I had a massive “ah ha!” moment this week with my husband! We both run our own businesses and are extremely passionate about them, we also juggle the care of our two little ones. There are days that I’m breezing in from work as he sails on out, into the afternoon…
In those few precious moments of our day, I noticed that the tone was starting to become dull.
Mainly because we had started to become each other’s dumping ground!
We would share only the negative things that had happened in those past few hours, and then the other would try to better it with something not so good that had happened to them!! And so it went on like this for a while, we started to set a not very healthy pattern.
I became aware of it this week as I was about to walk in the front door. I caught myself thinking what has gone wrong today? And in all honesty nothing had! My day had been brilliant, everything went the way I thought it would, everyone I spoke to was super positive and I felt on fire.
Lucky my day had been brilliant, because it made me aware of the habit I was starting to form with the man I love the most!
In that moment I realized that I didn’t want to show up to him as a whiny person who only spoke about my problems, which in all honesty aren’t that big in the grand scheme of things.
And I sure as hell don’t want that from him either! Our relationship hadn’t become that yet, but I could see from that one single thought at the front door it could have gone down that path. And what a bore that would have been!
Sometimes I feel a little sorry for my husband. He is always my guinea pig for all the new ideas I have, and he has to hear my latest theory of whatever is fascinating me on that day! And my theories are usually deep and confusing for me, let alone trying to explain them to him. But bless his heart, he usually just listens and smiles….
After a little research around cultivating an authentic relationship this is what I found, and put into practice, in those few short moments in the middle of our days.
A man named Gregory Kramer teaches about the 6 components of mindful listening, they are…
- Trust emergence (which means to enter something without the bias of a goal)
- Listen deeply
- Speak your truth
So I’m practicing this with him now and sometimes I only get to the first three and he has gone back to work. But you know what has happened? We have stopped becoming each other’s dumping ground and started to become authentic with each other again!
Notice the tone of your relationship with your loved one and if it’s not making you happy right now give this a go, you never know what might bloom…
And remember change, in any situation always starts with you, first!
Have fun with this, Lisa xx